Etydhv

I just left my first job out of college after working there 3 years. The reason I left is because I did not believe that my manager was treating me well. I now have a new job and am happy with it. After I left, I spoke with the CEO of my previous company and explained to him why I was leaving. As a result of this, my manager was made to undergo anger management training, among other things. Now, my manager has reached out to me to apologize and wants to "hang out as friends". I'm very confused by this. When we worked together, I didn't think he liked me at all.

How do I know if this is a genuine offer? What does he stand to gain professionally, if anything, by being in my good books (he's way more experienced than I am, I don't see how I could help him professionally)? What do I stand to lose if I disagree to meet him?

my manager was made to undergo anger management training

I don't know about your situation, but Alcoholics Anonymous have Step 8 & 9 in their program:

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.

Maybe that is what your manager doing. They might not even want to spend time together with you, but simply trying to change their life by addressing shortcomings.

What may he want?

1. Convince himself that he is "cured"?


2. Convince his boss that he has now made you his friend?


3. Reassert his power over you?


4. Manipulate you?


5. Truly apologise and get your relation on a new footing?

We do not know.

However, life's too short to hang out with people who treat you or have treated you badly if there is a choice. If you have to work with them, a modicum of professionalism is appropriate, but if there is no reason to burn your private time for them, why should you?

You do not owe him anything now. Be polite, but stay away. If he has truly reformed, he will have a fresh chance with new members of his team. If he hasn't, you are just going to needlessly agree to continue your march in the Valley of Tears.

Unless you give him the benefit of the doubt that there is a productive way forward (but your question seems to indicate that you do not), don't find the time to meet him.

How do I know if this is a genuine offer?

You could hang out for a bit and see if it seems genuine.

What does he stand to gain professionally, if anything, by being in my
good books (he's way more experienced than I am, I don't see how I
could help him professionally)?

He probably stands to gain nothing. He is probably just trying to be nice.

What do I stand to lose if I disagree to meet him?

Probably nothing. You might lose a potentially good, way more experienced friend.

I would say be truthful. It should not affect you negatively since you are no longer with this company. Why lie and waste your time with the person which you no longer need to interact with within the work environment?

Your old manager has already apologized and that should be enough. He doesn't need to hang out with you as friends and be buddy-buddy...it's probably his way of making him feel better that you have probably forgiven him. At least, that's what I think. I would go with your gut OP, if it doesn't feel right don't feel obliged to do anything just because he apologized. The advantage you have is that the ball is in your court so you have the control of what happens next.

The most you have to do is just to be polite.

He's apologized to you. You don't need to assuage his feelings any more, and he cannot affect your career path (more than he already has).

All you need to do is say that (if, of course) you accept his apology, but that you do not feel any further contact is necessary. Have a great life, etc.

Time to be selfish. You're being selfish to yourself - you're protecting yourself from this person. And that is perfectly fine.