Etydhv

I’ve found that a relatively new addition to our team is being needlessly aggressive and I’m not sure if I should speak to them or our mutual manager about this face to face, or try some other technique while working to reduce her aggression as it is affecting my concentration.

When she first started she came in all guns blazing - she criticised my work to my face on several occasions, pointing to errors that didn’t exist (or were by someone else). I calmly pointed out where she was mistaken, but this did rattle me as she’d come with a glowing report and it would look bad on me as a long term employee of the company if I really had made so many errors. Even if I hadn’t the fact that people would see her ‘pulling me up’ would also look bad. I hoped she was just settling in.

She did seem to calm down and become more friendly though I admit I was always inwardly tense when speaking to her (though I tried to exude friendly professionalism throughout). Recently however one of my colleagues told me that she informed them that I have something against her (I don’t know what this is specifically referring to). And yesterday she went from 0 to 100 about an issue: swearing, raised voice, very intimidating. I stayed outwardly calm but inside I wasn’t sure if I was boiling or quaking. A few minutes later the issue (a simple one) was resolved and she started chatting to me like we were best friends. The change was so abrupt I was quite caught out.

I don’t know her well but I sense she has a form of OCD from some things she’s mentioned about herself and I don’t know if she’s agitated whenever she perceives something isn’t right? I also think it may be ‘normal’ for her to kick off when it suits her. However this isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I feel that we should always convey info in a calm way to each other.

Anyway, I am still striving to maintain the professional exterior but I am now extra tense whenever she speaks to me incase it blows into confrontation that I have to diffuse. I feel that I don’t trust her as a team member. What should I do to try to create a better atmosphere for me at work? I know she’s had run ins with other staff but for some reason I seem to be getting it the most.

Of note she has been making a lot of mistakes herself and I’ve been pointing them out in the most gentle way I can, taking extra care not to appear vindictive or pleased in her eyes.

Edit: Just want to say thank you all! It’s really helped me get my head straight on what the most sensible approach is.

The worst thing you can do is keep it to yourself as she's already started badmouthing you to colleagues. Bring her behaviour to the attention of your manager.

This may be paranoid, but it might be a good idea to start writing up your interactions with her, either in hardcopy or emails. Perhaps even avoid being alone with her in order to avoid a literal he-said she-said type situation. If you do have to interact with her, try doing so where another colleague is present.

We learn not to yell at other people at our mother's knees. This is not acceptable behavior anywhere in public, let alone in a professional setting, and she's probably well aware of it. Anyone older than 6 or so should be.

Your coworker seems to be accustomed to getting a pass on this behavior (for various reasons not worth discussing here), and speaking to her about her shortcomings is probably not going to go well for you, especially in a one-on-one setting.

What you should do - and fast - is contact your manager, and request a sit down.

Prepare a list of instances when she has yelled at, or otherwise been aggressive with you (or other team members in your presence). List dates, times, the people present, and the context of the encounter if possible (if you can't remember these instances, start keeping track now).

When you speak to him, outline that this new employee is making erroneous claims as to the quality of your work, is being rude, verbally abusive, and that working with her makes you uncomfortable, as you never know when the next confrontation is going to erupt. Then pass him the list of documented events.

Express a desire to work calmly alongside your colleagues, and that if someone finds and error in your code you'd be more than happy to address it in a friendly manner, but that her attitude is unacceptable, and disruptive to the team.

Most likely there are others in the office who have taken notice of her terrible behavior (or more likely been targets), and this will not have been the first time your manager's had someone mention it to him. Hopefully having a concrete list of events will spur him into action.

If your manager asks you why, in your somewhat supervisory capacity, you haven't addressed this with her already, tell him that you fear an escalation on her part, as she has proven to be quite volatile in the past, and that you're requesting his involvement.

Maybe offer to sit in on any meetings between management and this employee, but don't face her alone. She already has a propensity to spread rumors, who knows what she'd say transpired in a one-on-one meeting?

Be a little paranoid. It'll serve you well in this situation.

You can use this situation as a starter of discussion:

And yesterday she went from 0 to 100 about an issue: swearing, raised
voice, very intimidating. [...] A few minutes later ... she started chatting to me like we were best friends.

Even if this person has personality issues, or uncontrolled bursts of anger, they owe you an apology and maybe even an explanation. You have every right to bring this up, starting with the fact that you don't understand what prompted anger, and that you don't understand what prompted change in attitude.

In that situation you should stay close to home base, and only talk about how you feel, not about how she is unprofessional. After all, there is a chance you are making a mistake (this is not gas-lighting, but this is a subjective situation).